Life Update No8: New Job, Theatre, and Mental Health

Happy Monday! Again, it has been a while since my last post.. I've just been a bit busy lately with my job (yes I landed a job lol), and catching up with some of my closest friends. To be honest, everything has been rough lately. I'm STILL anxious about everything and it is driving me crazy. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have my emotional support group (aka my girlfriends). Ugh, I love them so much. I have no idea why they still put up with the mess I make lol.

Okay, this post is going to be a little bit of a "sob-fest", so you're very welcome to stop reading and exit if you don't feel like reading another one of my "writing is my therapy" post haha. I'm so sorry if I keep doing this. 😅 Okay... on to the three things I want to talk about!

1. I got a part-time job! 

  • I'm currently working at my job for over three weeks now. Tbh, I struggled during the first week and I wanted to quit so bad. But over time, I learned to enjoy it and I really like my co-workers! They are so fun to talk with and they make time fly by so fast! Nothing better than having a job that doesn't feel like one! I got lucky with this one.  
2. Dreamgirls
  • I recently watched a preview performance of Dreamgirls here in Houston (thanks to one of my friends for the free tickets)! I have never seen the movie adaptation (the one with Beyonce) or the play, so I have no idea what it was about. It was pretty good! Not one of my faves, to be honest. But it was good. Very entertaining... and the cast was crazy awesome! I loved Jimmy's rap song!!! I think Jimmy was my favorite just because he made me laugh so hard that I cried a little.

3. My crippling anxiety (ohhhhh noooooooo not again!!!)
  • I have been beating myself up too much lately, and I basically feel like... idk crap?? (haha). I am just too tough on myself that I blame everything on myself, it's not even healthy anymore. But you know, if you're an over thinker like me, it's really hard not to. You guys don't know how many times (in the last few weeks) I've cried myself to sleep at night. I always think that I am not good enough, and it sucks big time. It was the mixture of feeling left behind in school, feeling ignored, and feeling stuck! However, I am trying sooooo hard to stay positive and push away all the negativity that clouds my thoughts every now and then. I am so thankful that I have a job to distract me, a supportive group of friends and a loving family that never fail to make me feel better. 
  • Okay, let's talk about self love... Before you can feel 100%, you first have to fully love and accept yourself. Love your flaws because nobody is perfect. ALSO! Stop comparing yourself to other people!!! This is what always makes me feel soooo low. I have a really bad habit of comparing myself to other people on screen which is terrible because most of the things on social media are filtered! Compare yourself to yourself yesterday, that way you can see your progress. 
  • Ahhhh my mind is a huge mess I don't even know if this post makes sense but whatever I'll keep going. About my anxiety... I have recently developed some trust issues which made my anxiety and overthinking tendencies a lot worse. I have so much doubt that I rely on Google haha. "What does he/she mean when he/she says....." ahhh it's so terrible! Is it just me??? 😅😂 Anyway, so my anxiety is still here but I've learned and experienced so many things because of it. I have been trying to be brave and actually go out and do stuff, which is good right?! I guess sometimes you just have to dive in to fight the shadows in your head. 
I hope you're having a really good day. Thank you for reading!

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